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难过得喘不过气来

俗话来讲，David就是个深柜渣男。

Perhaps home is not a place but simply an irrevocable condition/ppl who believe they're strong-willed and the masters of their destiny can only continue to believe this by becoming specialists in self-deception/It's cruel to have made me want to live only to make my death more bloody./With everything in my screaming No yet the sum of me sighed Yes.

法语对白看得脑壳疼，但更要命的是第一人称深柜渣男视角，像看直播虐待动物一样让人难受。开始觉得David只是不确定自己性向，后面发现他根本不爱任何人啊，也不知道他到底要什么。他形容Giovanni被捕用了个“finally”！回忆和现实交替，很多描述很有画面感，比方说打完分手炮走之前房间里的情形，比方说从镜子里“同步看到”Giovanni行刑。叙述酣畅，故事抓人，值得为它纠结一番。前后翻了下没找到故事时间设定，对美国人和巴黎这个城市的固有印象是怎么回事哦

用鲍德温自己的话评价这本书吧：Giovanni is not really about homosexuality. It’s about what happens to you if you’re afraid to love anybody. Which is much more interesting than the question of homosexuality.

日前去看了紀錄片《我不是你的黑鬼》 認識他稍微多一點 就把這本書找出來看了 雖然網路上批評紀錄片完全不提同志平權的部分 （但紀錄片的脈絡是他書寫的文字所以硬加進來也很不妥吧） 而這本書當時出來也有人說他迴避了種族了部分 但我覺得他把兩件事分得相當適切 因為本來人權...  

I had decided to allow no room in the universe for something which shamed and frightened me. I succeeded very well - by not looking at the universe, by not looking at myself, by remaining, in effect, in constant motion. Though he [Jaques] wanted to trust e...

I had decided to allow no room in the universe for something which shamed and frightened me. I succeeded very well - by not looking at the universe, by not looking at myself, by remaining, in effect, in constant motion. Though he [Jaques] wanted to trust e...

文中的Giovanni’s room其实代表着David的深柜属性(identity)，他因对自身性向的不确定而对深柜(乔的房间)感到肮脏、恶心，进而从心理上产生排斥、厌恶，但感官体验又让其沉溺其中无法自拔。一如小说末尾的隐喻，although David tries to walk away from his sexual past by jo...