Man may have invented the wheel, but it was a Guy who first looked at an ordinary pogo stick and realized it would be greatly improved by the addition of a combustible-gas-powered engine; a Guy who invented a high-five simulator so he’d never be left hanging again; a Guy who dared to dream of airbag boxer shorts to protect that which he holds most dear.

It’s not difficult to imagine these bold inventors reclining in front of their TVs (or Victrolas), one hand resting halfway down their boxers, the other holding a beer, when inspiration struck! Unfortunately, what they envisioned as the next lightbulb was, in actuality, the first toilet lounger.

Now you, too, can experience that same thrill of discovery with It’s a Guy Thing, a collection of actual patented inventions taken directly from the collective mind of the American Guy —by way of the U.S. Patent and Trademark Office. Compiled for the amusement of every Guy (and every woman who knows one), these often ridiculous, frequently misguided, yet rarely well-thought-out creations may even inspire you to do a little inventing of your own—but you can forget about the Human Catapult. A Guy named Ted already holds the patent.